crying in public

I have a problem.

I'm an emotional wreck. One would assume that this is a direct result of being pregnant but I must admit that it is an ongoing problem. Bursting into tears over the simplest things just because I've had a bad day or I'm tired.

There was the time it happened when my sisters and Candace ganged up on me and stole my cookie dough, the time Dad asked me to bring some loaves of bread in from the car, the time my family ate all the salad at dinner while I was gone for 5 seconds to the bathroom....

It happened again.

Aaron and I have been taking some birth classes, which have actually been really informative and have prepared me (I think) for what it may be like. During the second class they showed a video of the first real delivery I have seen. It was a home video and rather badly done (corny music and lots of moaning while rocking back and forth). There was nothing gory but you could tell it wasn't the most wonderful experience of her life. So the climax comes and a wee baby babe is born, the new Daddy announces, "it's a girl!" and the new Mommy whispers to her baby, "it was worth it!"

My eyes had begun watering at the Daddy saying the gender and by the time the Mommy made her comment? Body wracking sobs.

I married a good man- he squelched his laughter, put his arm around me and tried to ignore the sympathetic looks from the male half of the other six couples in the room.

mountain backpacking

When Aaron and I first got married we planned on doing something big for our first year anniversary. We dreamed of different continents, long journeys and foreign languages. Maybe one day that'll happen. Like- maybe for our 25th wedding anniversary. So for now we've had to readjust our expectations to fit our budget and we're going to have to stick with...

GOING TO SEE MY FAMILY IN JULY!!!!!

What a deflator eh?! "On our way home" from seeing them though we plan on stopping in Montana for a weekish and going backpacking. I've never been overnight but I love camping and hiking and have always wanted to attempt it. Aaron's been itching to go his whole life but see, I came along, and halted all plans of adventure and excitement.

We've bought some of our gear. Aaron made me buy a backpack for our honeymoon (so we didn't have to pay for checked baggage- so romantic) and he's had one forever. We just bought down sleeping bags off of steep and cheap. And we have a cute little tent that you can barely move around in that's light enough for Aaron to carry (he has agreed to carry anything of weighty significance). He has a little stove so all we need is cooking stuff. I'd rather eat dried fruit and nuts for a week straight as I hate cooking while camping. Fortunately my husband loves it. So all I have to do is sit back and watch him work. Right. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The other big thing we need to do before going is, um, well, move. Like I need to get off my rear end and walk or run or skip or anything. I used to run about 5 miles a week. That's not amazing but there is. no. way. that. could. happen. now. Aaron gets a lot of exercise with working but no cardio so he really needs to do stuff with me but he is in better shape than I am. Another thing to help us get into the groove is a mini backpacking trip maybe in May- to the pictured rocks in the U.P. They look so pretty!

So after I write this I need to go for a walk. But I have a house to clean, laundry to do, bow ties to sew, dresses to sew (I have passed the difficult stuff so you'll see photo's soon!) and I promised my Aaron that I'd bake him some banana blueberry bread.

So we are looking forward to a week of wearing the same clothes, not showering, swatting mosquitos continually, sleeping on the ground and getting to see some of God's gorgeous creation. We'll take a million pictures and I'll tell you all about our adventures!

Of course all plans are subject to change without notice. I've been informed that I still need to get my passport renewed "just in case" and he checks flights to random corners of the world continuously. I am not going to the middle east though. No matter how cheap the flights are.

tears, happiness and sorrow

PHEWPH. It's been one of those weekends. The kind where, when it's over, you want to crawl into a hole a sleep. This weekend was our conference and it went really well. (More on that later.) After the weekend I had to help aaron with work stuff, and apparently I am out of practice. We worked till midnight the first night and till five the second day. I ache. Every single muscle in my body hurts. Aaron says this is how he feels when he comes home everyday. Maybe I owe him a little more sympathy??! It was so bad yesterday afternoon that I have a story on myself.

I was industrially working away and Aaron was so finished that all he could do was wander around. He decides he needs some tool from home. Thirty minutes later he appears with a coffee from our favorite (really cool, local) coffee shop. It's a white hot chocolate espresso. Note: I love white hot chocolate and hate coffee. He loves coffee. He thought I would appreciate the hot chocolate part and be able to deal with the coffee part. So I'm in the middle of telling him that when I first saw the cup I thought it was all for meeeee and that it was my faaaaavvvooooorriiite whittteee hooooot (and by this time I am bawling my eyes out). When I was done crying and he was done laughing I felt much better. It's kinda like the time I cried because somebody ate all the lettuce. I asked him why he married an emotional roller coaster and he just laughed again. Poor guy.

So the conference. It was good:) I can't remember all the messages but I do remember some tidbits that have sunk in (hopefully).

First- reading your bible with technology spread around you within arms reach is NOT how to read. You can't concentrate (you'd think this would be obvious enough that it doesn't need to be stated, but it did).

Second- true happiness. All found through the Lord Jesus not through stuff and surroundings. Aaron and I have talked about this a lot over the past year or so especially in light of what we have and don't have as newly weds. And really- it doesn't matter. Those things (ie kitchens) would not make us any happier at all. The speaker went through and talked about the things that DO make us happier.

Third- sorrow. I haven't really had to deal with it personally, I know it will come though. Plus, you look at others and the intensity of sorrow that they have to deal with is just beyond my comprehension. Death, illness, waywardness, childlessness... again, I cannot imagine. It makes you realize how small and incapable you are. One of our family members had to go into the hospital because of a weird/scary health thing. I had myself so worked up and it just made me think about how short life is, we are not owed any length or quality of time. God is good.

Fourth- 2 Sam 17. Called Elijah the Tishbite in the beginning of the chapter and a man of God by the end. To be a man/woman of God.

And if you want to hear the messages (they haven't been posted yet but will be) go here.

And now I need to go have a nap.

Moving, Tears and Loooove!

It's been a long time!

I tried to keep writing after getting home from Africa but life just got to busy. Life's still busy (future posts:P) but now that I'm removed from my home and native land I have to keep in touch anyway.

Proverbs 27:10 "...for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off."

Isn't that sad?! It made me tear up. Those of you who know me know that tearing up is a frequent occurrence. In the last month:
-Saying goodbye to everyone to move 17 hours away.
-Aaron pinched my jeans with pliers and accidentally (?) got skin.
-Mom texted me from my best friend's baby shower.
-I threw up and had no mommy to say, "ohhh baby!"
-Looking at pictures of my nephews on facebook.
-My dad-in-law told a joke where I was the punch line.**
-Walking into Aaron and I's very much unfinished house that needs to be ready for occupation in 2 months. :P

I think that's all the times in the last month. Aaron probably remembers better than I. I have promised Aaron that I will NEVER use tears to manipulate him.

Even with the tears though the happy times have filled in every moment between. I love being close to my Aaron. Not having to have phone dates, not having to hear about his day but being able to participate in it, sitting beside him during meeting, hearing him pray, watching him interact with his (crazy) family, seeing him smile love at me, hearing him repeat the same old jokes over and over again....

I'd go on but I've given Aaron permission to proof read all blogs and if I get too sappy he'll edit me! I'm used to telling the world every detail of my life and he's like a sealed attic. We bought a house last fall which we're fixing up for when we're married. I told EVERYONE the second our offer was accepted. Aaron just got around to telling his people this month because it was too personal of an item to share.

Looking forward to blogging again! It's so much fun watching life for stories to tell- please comment! I love reading them:):)

**Aaron's edit: My dad-in-law told a joke and I didn't get it.

Tears and Weddings

Two down two to go!

Another sister got married this past Saturday and, as was mentioned, a blizzard raged outside. The cold wasn’t too bad even with only a bridesmaid dress and light wool shawl, it was the wind. My hair was firmly anchored with a gallon of hairspray yet when I stepped outside it felt like it was going to be ripped off. Side note: If you consider yourself to be of the brave heroic sort, come visit us in the dead of winter.

The wedding went beautifully, my speech, the many performances by Shawna (the other unmarried sister), the food, the dresses (sewn by Mom) and the actual marrying part. I do remember one moment that was less than perfect. Wailing. Gut wrenching sobs. A snort. And, hold your horses folks, I am recalling the visual: A mouth at it’s furthest possible extension, shoulders rising and falling with alarming frequency and big juicy tears rolling down rosy cheeks (sandblasted from the aforementioned wind).

You begin to ponder on the possible source of this vision: A drunk wedding crasher? The Mother of the Bride? A jilted ex (or wanna be)? An over emotional guest who has just suffered the loss of her husband?

No, I respond to all of these suggestions! It was the younger sister of the Bride, bridesmaid #2, just between the signing of the registry and the final presentation of the couple.

Let us all raise our glasses in a toast to Shawna, for her deep love and appreciation for the state of marriage.

Mr. Darcy

There has been much discussion as to the identity of a possible ‘Mr. Darcy’ in my life. I have heard suggested from various unique sources that he will be from Zambia, Scotland, England, Mexico and any other place I mention no matter how casual the reference. (The original Mr. Darcy never made an appearance while at Chatsworth. Be still my beating heart.)

Mr. T is constantly bringing him up (see previous comments on this blog:P). At work I have coworkers/my boss who update me on any new arrival to my place of work who is male. Age, availability, compatibility and belief systems are duly ignored. Today I was informed that a specific dealer is “single, Angelina”.

A dear, close friend pulled me aside at church the other week and enthusiastically whispered a name in my ear and then looked at me with raised eyebrows. Older ladies inform me after they travel where I need to travel (there was this boy…).

Various ones have informed me that they are praying for me in my hour of need (do I look desperate?!).

Sometimes I get royally ticked. Sometimes I roll my eyes. Sometimes I get up on my soap box. Most often I laugh and thank God people love me enough to care.